The Lonely Side of Being a Firefighter's Wife: What Every First Responder Spouse Wants You to Know
Let me play you a little scene from my own life.
I call my husband and ask, "Are you on C shift? Should I plan dinner for tomorrow night, or are you eating at the station?" He says something I cannot quite hear. Then I figure out he is in the middle of a report. So I say, "Okay, I know, I know. I love you, honey. Be safe, and I guess I will see you when I see you."
And that is the whole phone call.
If you are married to a firefighter, a police officer, a paramedic, a dispatcher, or anyone who answers the call, I bet you have had this exact conversation. Maybe with different words, but the same feeling.
I have been a firewife for more than 20 years now, and I can tell you there is a side of this life that not everyone sees.
The waiting. The worry. The missed moments. The nights when you feel a little lonely, even when you know exactly why they are not home.
Sometimes it feels like they have a whole world that somehow includes you but does not always have room for you. They come home with stories they cannot tell, or things they do not know how to say. You are right there in it with them, and yet there is a part of it you cannot reach.
I will be honest with you. It has not always been easy. Some days this life has been the best experience of my life, and some days it has been the worst. Both of those are true, and I think it is okay to say so out loud.
If that is you, I want you to hear this. You are not doing anything wrong by feeling lonely. Loving someone who serves comes with a different kind of quiet, and it does not mean your marriage is falling apart or that you do not love the job they do. It just means you are human, and you are carrying a lot.
A few things that have helped me along the way:
Talk about the lonely part. When I finally started saying it to Troy and to my fire wife sisters, I realized how many of us were feeling the same thing and keeping it to ourselves.
Take the small moments. A quick text, a shared coffee, a few minutes on the couch before bed. They matter more than we give them credit for.
Remember you have your own life too. Your friends, your faith, and your own gifts all matter.
And hold onto prayer. The Lord knows exactly what these shifts feel like from the other side of the door.
This is the heart behind my novel, Hatteras House. It follows a first responder family working through the weight of this life, and my hope is that a spouse, a firefighter, or a kid in that home can read it and say, man, I feel seen. Some of the funniest and most honest moments in the book are just life being life when Dad is on shift, like a dishwasher breaking and a husband saying, call a plumber, I'm busy. If you know, you know.
Grab your copy of Hatteras House on Amazon
And the story is not over. In Weathering the Storm, Matt and Laura Garrison are still learning how to navigate the aftermath of Matt's PTSD diagnosis. Matt is working toward healing and rebuilding the trust trauma nearly destroyed, and Laura faces the weight of loving someone still fighting invisible battles. They are finding out that healing is not a straight path, it is a daily choice. I cannot wait to share more.
I would love to hear from you. If you are a first responder spouse, what is one part of this life you wish more people understood? Come share it with me on Instagram. You never know who might read your words and realize they are not alone.
To every first responder spouse quietly carrying the weight behind the scenes, I see you. You are not alone.
